9 months ago, I had one of the happiest days of my life. Running into my husband’s arms crying, I whispered, “I am pregnant. We are going to have a baby.” Pure bliss. Not long after, I had the worst day of my life. Lying in bed I cried over the loss of our first child. No baby carriage for me.
Though I was not far a long, this loss overwhelmed me with emotion. Anger, confusion, shame, hopelessness, sadness, and most of all loneliness. I felt as if no one could understand the amount of heartache I felt over a baby who was so tiny its little heartbeat had not been heard.
As I opened up to others about my loss, I learned that many women around me have similar stories. Stories of miscarriage, multiple miscarriages, still births, the list goes on. The level of understanding between women who have endured the loss of a baby is unlike any other, but you do not always hear about the trials and tribulations of trying to become a mother.
Many of these stories eventually led to a happy ending, the baby carriage. I wish my story was at its happy ending, but unfortunately it is not. After a diagnosis and base line infertility treatments not being successful, I am off to the fertility specialists. Some days this really takes a toll on me mentally and emotionally, but then I remember the women who traveled this road before me. Fierce, strong, brave, and determined are the characteristics of these women. Their journeys have fueled me to put up a hell of a fight for what I want and most importantly have given me hope.
If you are struggling with loss or are climbing the treacherous infertility mountain, hold tight. Know that you are stronger than you think, believe that there is hope, and remember that you are not alone. Our baby carriage, one way or another, is just around the corner.
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